Pumping Iron

Arnold kicks Ferrigno’s ass. The End.

[Editor’s note: Pumping Iron is on Netflix. List as “Must Watch.”]

arnold pumping iron

Empire Strikes Back

The space hitchhiker from Star Wars kisses his sister AGAIN! His black father cuts off his hand, likely as punishment for incest. A cool bounty hunter called Boba Fett is in this one and captures the space scoundrel for a ransom. The End.

luke kisses his sister empire strikes back

Boogie Nights

Dirk diggler has something special, a gift…it is a hugely humongus wang. He gets into porn, Scotty tries to kiss him errr…, Heather Graham does full frontal, Buck tries to open Buck’s Super Stereo World by selling Tk421 stereo upgrades so you get an extra 3-4 more quads per channel with the highest quality fidelity. This has a killer cast with Mark Wahlberg, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Burt Reynolds to name a few. Drugs and sex equals a great movie! Feel feel feel feel feel, feel the heat! The end
image

 

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Some people have a hard time counting to three, so I modified this to fit this blog’s theme. You are allowed to still sing “Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel… the heat” in your head.]

 

 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

A poor kid and his half dead grandpa win a chance to tour a chocolate factory run by a mad scientist and evil, rhyming, orange faced midgets. A fat kids drowns and some other things happen. Everyone dies except charlie and his grandpa, I think. The end.

image

Old Yeller

Thank God! A nice, loving Disney dog that doesn’t talk with a celebrity voice. He (the dog) get’s rabies and dies, so your kids will cry and be scarred for life while blaming you. The End.