Monthly Archives: August 2014

Pumping Iron

Arnold kicks Ferrigno’s ass. The End.

[Editor’s note: Pumping Iron is on Netflix. List as “Must Watch.”]

arnold pumping iron

Empire Strikes Back

The space hitchhiker from Star Wars kisses his sister AGAIN! His black father cuts off his hand, likely as punishment for incest. A cool bounty hunter called Boba Fett is in this one and captures the space scoundrel for a ransom. The End.

luke kisses his sister empire strikes back

Boogie Nights

Dirk diggler has something special, a gift…it is a hugely humongus wang. He gets into porn, Scotty tries to kiss him errr…, Heather Graham does full frontal, Buck tries to open Buck’s Super Stereo World by selling Tk421 stereo upgrades so you get an extra 3-4 more quads per channel with the highest quality fidelity. This has a killer cast with Mark Wahlberg, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Burt Reynolds to name a few. Drugs and sex equals a great movie! Feel feel feel feel feel, feel the heat! The end


[EDITOR’S NOTE: Some people have a hard time counting to three, so I modified this to fit this blog’s theme. You are allowed to still sing “Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel… the heat” in your head.]



Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

A poor kid and his half dead grandpa win a chance to tour a chocolate factory run by a mad scientist and evil, rhyming, orange faced midgets. A fat kids drowns and some other things happen. Everyone dies except charlie and his grandpa, I think. The end.


Old Yeller

Thank God! A nice, loving Disney dog that doesn’t talk with a celebrity voice. He (the dog) get’s rabies and dies, so your kids will cry and be scarred for life while blaming you. The End.


Office Space

A man who hates his job more than me gets hypnotized to not give a shit about work, so he stops going. Life is great after that and he gets to bang Jennifer Aniston as they watch kung fu movies. Then him and his friends beat up a copy machine, use computers to rob some banks, and the stapler guy goes off the reservation and asks for NO SALT on his margarita! The End.

American Hustle

The good: Amy Adams’ side boob. The bad: everything else. This movie was so dull it would make Driving Miss Daisy look like Gone in 60 Seconds.



Jake Gyllenhaal is NOT a gay cowboy in this one. Instead of finding cornholes he finds his doppleganger and some huge spiders. The single weirdest ending to any movie EVER! The end.


The Shawshank Redemption

A man finds himself wrongly convicted and hanging out with the best narrator this side of James Earl Jones: Morgan Freeman. He digs a secret tunnel in his cell that he hides behind a girly poster, and escapes. When Morgan Freeman gets out, they meet up, have Mai Tais, and listen to Jimmy Buffet in the Caribbean. The End.


This movie stars a paraplegic who pretends to be a big blue alien. He tries to save a tree but fails. Then he tries to save a different tree. The end. image