Monthly Archives: January 2017

Doctor Strange

As always, my expectations were low for another super hero type movie, but holy bacon pizza, this was a boner fest of a movie (boner fest being a term of endearment in this case)! A goddamn good movie that reminded me of the fortress of solitude from Superman mixed with the Matrix mixed with Harry Potter. The end

The 9th Life of Louis Drax

A flick about some kid whos dad is Jessie from Breaking Bad, is super accident prone, and falls off a cliff…or is it something more sinister? There’s also some seaweed monster that I was confused by. The end

Spaceballs

This Mel Brooks scientific documentary (or possibly a spoof of a movie I can’t quite put my finger on) is sadly not about testicles in space. It it includes characters named Dark Helmet, Barf (a half dog, half man mythical creature), an annoying golden robot, and Pizza the Hut, and includes the theoretical but never proven speed that’s faster than light called ‘ludicrous speed’. The end

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

If you were into the Harry Potter movies (nerd alert), which I wasn’t, then you’ll like this movie. I know I missed a lot of HP references, but this movie, based in 1920s New York City, starring a guy who is definately on the autism spectrum, has some fantastic beasts and a fat guy who wants to open a bakery. The end

Arrival

This movie for people that like awsome movies is about a language specialist and a scientist teaming up to find out wtf these crazy aliens be doin’ on earth. In a anti-twist, the military wants to blow them up but the aliens don’t wanna be blown up. The end

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Tom Cruise is at it again; uncovering military corruption for no other reason than he has nothing better to do. If you like kung fu chopping in New Orleans, check it out, though it’s not as good as #1. The end

Max Steel

Apparently an uneducated first grader wrote and directed a movie called Max Steel…who knew!? This shitty movie is about a kid that has crappy super powers and teams up with this random alien robot thing to fight other weak assed aliens and a guy who’s evil for absolutely no reason. The end

The Man Who Knew Infinity

I describe this movie as a ‘based on true events interesting snoozefest’. Some Indian guy I never hear of was really good at math, like, 100 years ago, and then he died. The end

The Girl With All The Gifts

Don’t let the crappy movie title throw you off because this is actually a super goodly, well done post apocalyptic thriller. Not to give too much away, but…brrraaaiiinnnsssss! The end