Monthly Archives: March 2017

Pet

Merry from Lord of the Rings plays a creepy guy who abducts a lady. But there is more to this story than meets the eye! The end

Silence

This is the first movie In quite a while I couldn’t make it through and even if the last hour and a half was where all the good stuff was, I’m happy living the rest of my life never knowing. I’m not sure if it was the drab subject matter or the fact that Kylo Ren was playing a priest. But if you love slow religious movies based in the 1600s, buy this movie before you watch it because this will be your new favorite! The end

XXX: Return of Xander Cage

This latest of the XXX movies is exactly what you’d expect. If you like ass kicking in zero G and dirt bikes with skis on the water, this is the movie for you! It’s kind of like an unsophisticated version of Mission Impossible with Vin Diesel instead of Tom Cruise.
The end

Brimstone

If you like to complain how all movies have happy endings (or beginnings, or middles)or are just feeling too happy, watch this movie. It has Guy Pearce in it and is told out of order like another movie he’s in named Memento. This movie is essentially about the worst priest ever and how shitty one girls (Fern from Charlotte’s Web) life is during the wild west days. The end

The Accountant

Surprisingly, this is one of the few Ben Affleck movies I’d recommend. Ben plays a guy with autism that’s good with numbers and kickin’ ass. This role fits well with his robotic onscreen acting style. The end.

The Assignment/Tomboy

I was fully expecting to hate this movie…and I did. A bad idea for a movie (which has two names for some reason) that leaves me perplexed at how the lady from Alien and the guy from Monk thought it was a good career move. There is some full frontal nudity to make sure you understand that a guy assassin gets turned into a chick by a doctor out for revenge (yeah, it doesn’t make sense in the movie either). Your time would be better spent staring at your own naked mother. The end

Headshot

This gory subtitled martial arts film is as if a Jackie Chan movie had a baby with a mediocre Jason Bourne movie. As you would have guessed, a guy wakes up with amnesia and has to save the only person he knows, the lady doctor who saved him. I got tired of the repetative fight scenes and linear storyline after about and hour. The end

The Great Wall

If you can get past the weird gravely voice Matt Damon uses in this movie, it’s pretty freekin’ good. The movie takes place on this fictional, ridiculously large wall China built to keep people out. Matt Damon joins the Chinese in a fight against these invading monsters. The end

Frailty

This 15 year old movie stars the guy from Twister that just died and Matthew McConaughey. This movie tries to be clever but is kind of like ordering yourself a birthday present; you aren’t surprised when it arrives. It’s about a dad that thinks god speaks to him so he and his two sons hunt deamons who are in human form. The end

Hacksaw Ridge

Mel Gibson has directed two of my top 100 movies (Braveheart, Apocalypto), and though this movie based on a true story doesn’t make my list, it’s still pretty decent. Aside from the opening scene, the first half is drama and smoochy lovey stuff and The second half shows the drab reality of WW2 battles and a hero medic who objects to the violence of war but wants to do his part. It was weird seeing Vince Vaughn play a serious role in this flick. The end