Ghost in the Shell

Good things: Scarlett Johansson is naked a lot (but not really naked because she has a robot body with no reproductive organs or nipples), some cool action, a fun futuristic world, and this movie explores our possible future of humans merging with machines. Crappy things: ScarJo’s wooden acting (which might be on purpose because, ya know, she’s part robot) and a convoluted (or just uninteresting, I can’t decide which) storyline. You can watch this movie as a novelty but it won’t be one you’ll put on repeat. The end

Colossal

This unique drama is not a movie i’d normally watch but it had a huge monster in it so I thought I’d give it a shot. On the surface this movie is ok but if you see all the metaphores and personifications (monsterifications?) of the characters’ problems it becomes a pretty darn good flick. Watch this movie on a date and then make out afterwards. The end

Voice from the Stone

Don’t watch this because it sucks! It’s about some nurse a while ago (before t.v.) that’s hired to help a boy who stopped talking after his mom died. The only good this about this movie is it stars the lady from Game of Thrones that plays Daenerys Targaryan aka Daenerys Stormborn aka Mother of Dragons aka Khaleei. The end

A Dark Song

This crumby indie movie got good reviews on other sites but I thought it was garbage. Some girl recruits a guy from some occult to raise an angel to grant her a wish. It sounds much cooler than it is. The end

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Good glorified galaxy gangsters generate great gaety by gallivantingly quashing guerrillas. I hate alliteration but not this goddamn movie because this goddamn movie is super goddamn awesome. I saw it in 3D and I might like it even more than the first Guardians movie which was also goddamn glorious . The end.