Monthly Archives: November 2018

Alpha Wolf

Crappy wolf costumes, a dog that turns into a man which is left unexplained, boobies, and silver coins killing werewolves? Yes, please! Well…actually, the movie sucked. The end.

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

If you like the same old Mission Impossible movies with rubber masks and predictable twists and turns followed by car chases and people getting saved at the last second, this will be your new favorite. In this MI universe people don’t eat, sleep, or use the bathroom so it must be in the future. I rate this movie two partially eaten Crunch bars. The end

A Star is Born

A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.

Searching

Nothing is more interesting that watching a picture of a computer screen being projected onto your tv screen for 1.5 hours which is exactly what this movie is. They tried a new movie formula and went out on a limb and guess what, it totally worked! This movie is pretty engross inducing. The end.

Bohemian Rhapsody

I wish this movie was just all music but it was only like 50% (booooo!)! It’s about a guy with big teeth that sings really well and starts a band called ‘Queen’. No boobs though so I can only rate this movie 2 unripe bananas and one phillips screwdriver. The end.

The Predator (2018)

Where the hell is Arny? Someone did say ‘get in the choppa’ though, I think. Pretty good movie if you take the attempt at comic relief out. The end.