Guns Akimbo

Harry Potter is in this movie except he doesn’t do magic and he has guns bolted to his hands. In this movie, Harry Potter gets forced to play a game of life and death but he’s a big wuss and runs away a lot. This is one of the better movies I have watched recently so jump on your saw-horse and watch it! The end.

Midsommar

One of the weird white kids from Maze Runner is in this. Some kids go to Sweden or someplace like that and partake in some crazy rituals like drugs and uncomfortable to watch sex. I haven’t decided if this movie is good or not. The end.

Alpha Wolf

Crappy wolf costumes, a dog that turns into a man which is left unexplained, boobies, and silver coins killing werewolves? Yes, please! Well…actually, the movie sucked. The end.

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

If you like the same old Mission Impossible movies with rubber masks and predictable twists and turns followed by car chases and people getting saved at the last second, this will be your new favorite. In this MI universe people don’t eat, sleep, or use the bathroom so it must be in the future. I rate this movie two partially eaten Crunch bars. The end

A Star is Born

A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.