A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.
This Guillermo del Toro movie is all the rage and is expected to win the Academy Award for best picture but I liked it the first time i saw it when it was called Beauty and the Beast. It’s actually a pretty good movie about a mute lady that falls in love with a water mermaid type guy who reminds of the water creature from Hellboy. Plus, full frontal nudity = bonus! The end.
If you like made for tv movies that are remakes of “classic” 80s movies then this is a must see! The soundtrack is good and the main character is the badass little sister from Zombieland (the movie, not the city in Finland) and was a good fit for the roll of Baby (pulled off the frumpy, brainy, uncoordinated dancer part perfectly). Overall the acting was poor, the lip syncing lame, and the overall tone cheesy. The end
This is Groundhog’s Day 2.0 except written for 17 year old girls. The main character relives the same day on repeat and realizes she’s a bitch. The only way out of the loop is love and sacrifice…or some shit. The end
This movie should be called ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Earth’. It’s a mushy love story about a socially awkward (due to limited human contact) teen boy born on Mars who comes to Earth to hook up with a girl (using really corny lines) and find his father. Not very much cool space stuff in this like I was hoping. The end
A documentary about a mom who works part time but feels overwhelmed. With a lot of hard work and help from drunk friends she accomplishes her goal of working full time AND being the PTA president. The end.
Spoiler alerts (for a movie from 1993): a comic book store worker falls in love with a hooker (a la Pretty Woman), they find some drugs, Christian Slater talk to an imaginary Elvis, Balki from Perfect Strangers becomes an informant for the police, and there’s a 3 way Mexican standoff. This star studded cast (including a stoned Brad Pitt, Patty Arquette, Chris Walken, Sam Jackson…) is a must see for dudes and chicks alike! The end.
This movie should have been titled “Feminist Fairytale.” It is about drunk, slutty, “Plain Jane” who lands a doctor because she has a vagina, ooohh, and she’s so sassy (men LOVE that sass ladies)! At least Lebron James is funny though. The End.
Marshall from How I Met Your Mother gets dumped by his cheating girlfriend Sarah Marshall (I know, confusing because Marshall isn’t even that common of a name) and goes away to Hawaii to get away. But that slut is there, so it gets awkward. However, by the end he bangs Jackie from that 70’s show, makes a sweet muppet Dracula musical, and shows a lot of wang. The end.
Here’s exactly how to replicate the experience of watching 50 Shades of Grey while saving 2 hours (the movie): Take an Ambien, turn on C-SPAN for some ambiance, and close your eyes. Imagine the couple in American Gothic
as younger versions of themselves, complete with 1,000 yard stares, but naked and into light bondage. Then shit in your hands while you fall asleep. The End!