Category Archives: Drama

A Star is Born

A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.

Searching

Nothing is more interesting that watching a picture of a computer screen being projected onto your tv screen for 1.5 hours which is exactly what this movie is. They tried a new movie formula and went out on a limb and guess what, it totally worked! This movie is pretty engross inducing. The end.

Bohemian Rhapsody

I wish this movie was just all music but it was only like 50% (booooo!)! It’s about a guy with big teeth that sings really well and starts a band called ‘Queen’. No boobs though so I can only rate this movie 2 unripe bananas and one phillips screwdriver. The end.

Mother!

If you love having anxiety and being confused at the same time, this is the movie for you! This movie won some awards or something but I have no idea why. The bad guy from No Country for Old Men and the Hunger Games chick acted well, I guess, and supposedly this movie is a metaphore for the bible or something but I was just straight up confused. The end.

My Friend Dahmer

I like serial killers as much as the next guy but this movie was the opposite of great unless you like watching an awkward, sort of creepy Jeff Dahmer in High School. There were zero murders and zero boobs. I give this movie two salads where the lettuce is starting to brown. The end.

The Shape of Water

This Guillermo del Toro movie is all the rage and is expected to win the Academy Award for best picture but I liked it the first time i saw it when it was called Beauty and the Beast. It’s actually a pretty good movie about a mute lady that falls in love with a water mermaid type guy who reminds of the water creature from Hellboy. Plus, full frontal nudity = bonus! The end.

Radius

This guy and gal get bonded together by some sort of alien lightening bolt and if anyone gets within 50 feet of the guy they die unless the gal is around. A cool sci-fi movie idea but it was mostly a slow drama until the end which is sort of interesting. I rate this movie as cold 3 day old pizza. The end.

Suburbicon

This fun little Coen brothers movie (but not really a comedy) based in the 50’s is about Matt Damon and Julianne Moore trying to rip off an insurance company. This interesting and straight forward movie would be perfect for ‘date night’ or ‘lonely bachelor night’. No naked boobies in this but you do see Matt Damon’s butt. The end

Downsizing

Matt Damon stars in this movie that I thought was more of a comedy but was a drama. So apparently in the future you’ll be able to shrink yourself to like 5” tall and live like a king for very little money! I can’t wait! The end

The Disaster Artist

What a weird freekin’ dark comedy about a weird freekin’ movie that I just couldn’t stop watching so you should probably see it! So it goes like this: this movie is about the true story behind a movie called ”The Room” made in 2003 that was voted the best worst movie ever made. The cast includes a lot of comedians I recognized like Seth Rogen, Paul Scheer (from the show The League), and starred James Franco and his brother Dave (James’ less talented and less famous brother). The end