A Star is Born

A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.

Searching

Nothing is more interesting that watching a picture of a computer screen being projected onto your tv screen for 1.5 hours which is exactly what this movie is. They tried a new movie formula and went out on a limb and guess what, it totally worked! This movie is pretty engross inducing. The end.

Bohemian Rhapsody

I wish this movie was just all music but it was only like 50% (booooo!)! It’s about a guy with big teeth that sings really well and starts a band called ‘Queen’. No boobs though so I can only rate this movie 2 unripe bananas and one phillips screwdriver. The end.

Mother!

If you love having anxiety and being confused at the same time, this is the movie for you! This movie won some awards or something but I have no idea why. The bad guy from No Country for Old Men and the Hunger Games chick acted well, I guess, and supposedly this movie is a metaphore for the bible or something but I was just straight up confused. The end.

My Friend Dahmer

I like serial killers as much as the next guy but this movie was the opposite of great unless you like watching an awkward, sort of creepy Jeff Dahmer in High School. There were zero murders and zero boobs. I give this movie two salads where the lettuce is starting to brown. The end.