Category Archives: romance

A Star is Born

A singing celebrity that’s drunk and high all the time makes a no name Lady Gaga into a star. For being a slow ass drama it was pretty damn great. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe you’ll eat a cheeseburger. The end.

The Shape of Water

This Guillermo del Toro movie is all the rage and is expected to win the Academy Award for best picture but I liked it the first time i saw it when it was called Beauty and the Beast. It’s actually a pretty good movie about a mute lady that falls in love with a water mermaid type guy who reminds of the water creature from Hellboy. Plus, full frontal nudity = bonus! The end.

Amelia 2.0

In this sci-fi drama based in the future, a lady has a stroke and her husband has the chance to put her ‘brain’ in a robot. So questions like what is a soul, is a copy of her actually her, and what is it like to hump a robot are asked. Pretty slow movie…but the future looks cool! The end

Dirty Dancing (2017)

If you like made for tv movies that are remakes of “classic” 80s movies then this is a must see! The soundtrack is good and the main character is the badass little sister from Zombieland (the movie, not the city in Finland) and was a good fit for the roll of Baby (pulled off the frumpy, brainy, uncoordinated dancer part perfectly). Overall the acting was poor, the lip syncing lame, and the overall tone cheesy. The end

Berlin Syndrome

This chick totally does it with this dude and then he decides to keep her locked in his apartment for months. She escapes. The end.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

I absolutely loved the animated version of this movie and I realized I’m a B&B purist. It took me about half the movie to get over the fact that this had real people in it and the songs weren’t exactly the same (and there were new ones). But once I got over those small hurdles, I really enjoyed this and, btw, the main scenes (opening, be our guest, the date, Gaston…)were really well done. The end.

True Romance

Spoiler alerts (for a movie from 1993): a comic book store worker falls in love with a hooker (a la Pretty Woman), they find some drugs, Christian Slater talk to an imaginary Elvis, Balki from Perfect Strangers becomes an informant for the police, and there’s a 3 way Mexican standoff. This star studded cast (including a stoned Brad Pitt, Patty Arquette, Chris Walken, Sam Jackson…) is a must see for dudes and chicks alike! The end.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

This 19th century based movie has it all; for the ladies, a fancy love story, and for the guys, hot chicks killing zombies. Or maybe I’m being a misogynist and I’m using stereotypical gender rolls to define what men and women like and dislike. The end.

pride prejudice zombie

50 Shades of Grey

Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-Movie-Poster-Revealed-332x263Here’s exactly how to replicate the experience of watching 50 Shades of Grey while saving 2 hours (the movie): Take an Ambien, turn on C-SPAN for some ambiance, and close your eyes. Imagine the couple in American Gothic american gothic

as younger versions of themselves, complete with 1,000 yard stares, but naked and into light bondage. Then shit in your hands while you fall asleep. The End!