Category Archives: science fiction

The Predator (2018)

Where the hell is Arny? Someone did say ‘get in the choppa’ though, I think. Pretty good movie if you take the attempt at comic relief out. The end.

Hotel Artemis

In the future, criminals go see Jodie Foster and Bautista when they get shot up during dangerous heists because they’re underground doctors or something. Jodie Foster killed it just as much as when she played that deaf girl in the 90s. Watch this movie because I rate this 4 pumpernickels and 3.5 tabernacles. The end

The House With a Clock in the Walls

Not good. Don’t watch it. The end.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The opening is dolphins (the water mammal, not the football team) singing a rednition of “Goodbye and Thank You for the Fish” before leaving the failed earth. This movie has a depressed robot, a guy with 2 heads, an all knowing computer, and paperwork obsessed slug looking aliens. And the answers to all of lifes questions is “42” which translates to “watch this shit!” The end.

The Meg

Apparently this is a shark movie, not a movie about Meg Ryan or Megan Fox. It’s a new age Jaws except Jason Statham and Dwight from The Office are in it. It’s exactly what you’d expect, unless, like me, you expected a Meg Ryan movie. The end.

Chopping Mall (1986)

This movie has everything 80’s: big hair, jelly bracelets, mom jeans with 9 inch zippers, gratuitous 80’s nudity, Short Circuit Johnny 5 type killer robots, and electric music. Some high school kids that look 25 have to fight killer robots in a mall. It was a good one! The end

Upgrade

I had never heard of this movie but holy maxi pad was I impressed! A computer gets put in a guys brain and he knows karate, a la the matrix, sort of, but not really. If you like cool stuff, have good taste, and probably also have a weiner (small or large) you are sure to like this movie. The end.

Jurassic Dead

From guest reviewer Kim: If you are looking for tons of dino action, it won’t be found here. Overall movie equates to a 9 year old’s garage skit with his dolls. Oh, three sentences, also know your video games to get those 9 year old punch lines. The end.

Tau

A smart home with a killer robot keeps a woman hostage per its master’s commands. Woman tries to befriend the robot house in order to escape. Moral of the story: people are smart and robots are dumb. The end

Future World

This movie with a kick ass name (I mean, Future World! Come on!) has A bad ass James Franco, Snoop Dogg, a dying Lucy Liu, Leeloo from The Fifth Element, and a hot chick robot. With all those gems, all they needed was a good plot from the ‘future’, but there wasn’t one. No cool ray guns, time travel portals, aliens, or spaceships; just some kid trying to get his mom medecine and save a robot. The end.