Category Archives: Thriller

Midsommar

Posted on July 16, 2019 by | Comments Off on Midsommar

One of the weird white kids from Maze Runner is in this. Some kids go to Sweden or someplace like that and partake in some crazy rituals like drugs and uncomfortable to watch sex. I haven’t decided if this movie is good or not. The end.

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Posted in horror, Thriller

Alpha Wolf

Posted on November 24, 2018 by | Comments Off on Alpha Wolf

Crappy wolf costumes, a dog that turns into a man which is left unexplained, boobies, and silver coins killing werewolves? Yes, please! Well…actually, the movie sucked. The end.

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Posted in Action, horror, Thriller

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

Posted on November 23, 2018 by | Comments Off on Mission: Impossible – Fallout

If you like the same old Mission Impossible movies with rubber masks and predictable twists and turns followed by car chases and people getting saved at the last second, this will be your new favorite. In this MI universe people don’t eat, sleep, or use the bathroom so it must be in the future. I rate this movie two partially eaten Crunch bars. The end

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Posted in Action, Thriller

Searching

Posted on November 13, 2018 by | Comments Off on Searching

Nothing is more interesting that watching a picture of a computer screen being projected onto your tv screen for 1.5 hours which is exactly what this movie is. They tried a new movie formula and went out on a limb and guess what, it totally worked! This movie is pretty engross inducing. The end.

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Posted in Drama, Thriller

The Predator (2018)

Posted on November 13, 2018 by | Comments Off on The Predator (2018)

Where the hell is Arny? Someone did say ‘get in the choppa’ though, I think. Pretty good movie if you take the attempt at comic relief out. The end.

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Posted in Action, science fiction, Thriller

Hotel Artemis

Posted on October 28, 2018 by | Comments Off on Hotel Artemis

In the future, criminals go see Jodie Foster and Bautista when they get shot up during dangerous heists because they’re underground doctors or something. Jodie Foster killed it just as much as when she played that deaf girl in the 90s. Watch this movie because I rate this 4 pumpernickels and 3.5 tabernacles. The end

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Posted in Action, Crime, science fiction, Thriller

The House With a Clock in the Walls

Posted on October 21, 2018 by | Comments Off on The House With a Clock in the Walls

Not good. Don’t watch it. The end.

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Posted in kids, science fiction, Super-natural, Thriller

The Meg

Posted on October 17, 2018 by | Comments Off on The Meg

Apparently this is a shark movie, not a movie about Meg Ryan or Megan Fox. It’s a new age Jaws except Jason Statham and Dwight from The Office are in it. It’s exactly what you’d expect, unless, like me, you expected a Meg Ryan movie. The end.

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Posted in Action, science fiction, Thriller

Hereditary

Posted on October 4, 2018 by | Comments Off on Hereditary

If you like scary movies, watch this. If you don’t, skip it or wear a diaper because, you know, poo poo. A dude (with a mole I couldn’t take my eyes off) accidently kills his sister so naturally his mom conjures her spirit…or does she!? The end.

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Posted in horror, Thriller

Upgrade

Posted on August 19, 2018 by | Comments Off on Upgrade

I had never heard of this movie but holy maxi pad was I impressed! A computer gets put in a guys brain and he knows karate, a la the matrix, sort of, but not really. If you like cool stuff, have good taste, and probably also have a weiner (small or large) you are sure to like this movie. The end.

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Posted in Action, science fiction, Thriller