Category Archives: Uncategorized

How It Ends

This Netflix original was great for 112 minutes but the last minute sucked. Mr. wonky eyed Forrest Whitaker travels with his soon to be son-in-law to rescure his daughter from a strange, unknown event on the east coast that shut off all power in the USA. Spoiler alert: After 113 minutes, you still don’t know the cause of the event (boooooo!). The end.

Skyscraper

Hey, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Sylvester Stallone called and wants his movie Cliffhanger back! The end.

The Cloverfield Paradox

After looking on the internet I saw that people on the Twitter were giving this movie crappy reviews, but those people can suck an egg (though this flick isn’t as good as 10 Cloverfield Lane). This movie is about the earth running out of power so some astronauts on a fancy space station try some new particle accelerator out in space as a source of infinate power (or something like that), but these dummies screw something up and the earth disappears (uh oh!). With some good comic relief and fun, weird things happening at every turn, this movie is worth a watch. The end

Murder Party

I’m so glad this award winning comedy/horror gem from 2007 was brought to my attention! This idiot finds a random halloween party invite on the ground for a…you guessed it…murder party, and actually decides to go. He dresses in a stupid homemade cardboard box costume and is the intended murder victim of these baffoon artists who generously use the word ‘dildo’. The end

The Finest Hours

Ben Affleck’s little brother is in charge of half of a big boat that breaks up in a storm and the guy that plays Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movies goes out to try and save everyone. Some dick and fart jokes would have spiced this bad boy up a bit, but apparently that’s too high class for this New England based movie. The end.

finest hours

ALL Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal movies

A foreign bad guy steals plutonium or gold, kidnaps someone, or is going to destroy the world. Bad guys get martial artsed in the face! The end

Jean Claude and Seagal

American Hustle

The good: Amy Adams’ side boob. The bad: everything else. This movie was so dull it would make Driving Miss Daisy look like Gone in 60 Seconds.

 

Enemy

Jake Gyllenhaal is NOT a gay cowboy in this one. Instead of finding cornholes he finds his doppleganger and some huge spiders. The single weirdest ending to any movie EVER! The end.

image